I was brutally deflowered last night.

I am a cell phone virgin no more.

I had casually mentioned -- in passing -- that maybe -- I wasn't saying I was ready yet -- but I thought maybe since I was going on a upcoming trip by myself that perhaps -- just perhaps -- I might need to have a cell phone.

Then yesterday, I had sort of decided to maybe, perhaps I should get myself a stupid phone. No, really. As stupid a phone as I could get.

So Linda was all over that puppy.

I got home last night, and she handed me a brown-paper package. Inside was an old beat up copy of THIS SIDE OF INNOCENCE, by Taylor Caldwell. Somehow I knew, from the second I saw it, there was something inside.

The enemy. An IPhone 4.

Yes, my wife deflowered me for the price of the book.

She has been cackling ever since, in a nasty sort of way.

Of course, I immediately offered it in exchange for her android. That's the way it works around here -- we get a new car, phone, anything techie, and I inherit the older version. Because I just don't care. I'm not in to brands -- I just want something functional.

For the first time ever, she refused. Though I know she's coveting it. ("I'm in deep coveting," she said, as I read this.)

So not only didn't I get a stupid phone, she got me the smartest @^^@#@ phone there is.

I'm probably only going use a fraction of it's capabilities.

Twice lately, when we were out and about, I had a question about a word or a history problem,
which Linda was able to answer by hauling out her android. Does that make her smarter than me?

In a way.

I'm frightened.

Anyway, I spent over two hours last night playing with Pandora on my phone -- trying to get the right blend, reading the little histories of the artists.

Meanwhile, I'm not totally sure I even know how to call someone or answer the phone yet. I don't know my own frackin' phone number yet.

I'm intimidated, I tell you.

But I can never be a half-virgin, I guess. Every techie step of the way, I've been pushed, not pulled. But it's like some kind of irresistible force.

Bloody, fucking stupid smart phone!!!!