Sometimes, I almost feel guilty for not advertising in the Bulletin with the other downtown merchants.

I don't advertise. At all.

I've given advertising many many chance to prove to me that it's worthwhile, that I get something for my money. I'm not convinced.

Still, I wonder if I'm letting down Team Downtown Bend.

Except I don't feel part of Team Downtown Bend, either. I've never belonged to the Downtowners or the Chamber of Commerce.

I could come up with a number of explanations. That when I started long ago, I didn't feel very welcomed. (But all those people are long gone.) That when I went to meetings, I thought their focus was all wrong. That I hate what they come up with, (ANY street closings except the traditional parades, etc.) The fact that so many of them are focused so much on promotion that they neglect the basics -- such as extended hours, (past 5:00 p.m., open on Sundays.) The fact that I've seen so many of them come and go, and their 'good' ideas with them. And so on.

But the truth is, I'm just a loner. I prefer to go my own way, not get entangled. But I've just learned that I'm happier, make better decisions, and that everything just works better if I keep my distance. I try to stay friendly, and polite, but I've never much felt part of the group. I don't play well with other children.

Still, I'm always curious about what's going on. I like gossip, pretty much. So I try to ask a lot of questions whenever I have an unwary downtowner in my grasp. I like being the observer, so to speak.

If I truly believed that advertising would have any effect at all, I'd feel more guilty about not joining in. But I also think it would be pretty silly to spend money that I don't think is effective just to join others.