Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 11.

I may have stumbled across a way to rewrite that I can live with.

The systemic method is necessary first. Picking a reasonable number of pages per day to work on, then going through it sentence by sentence, then thinking about it, and then coming back.

But I've found myself drifting backward as well, doing little embellishments or cuts or changes. I do this by just sort of drifting through the manuscript. landing on a paragraph, reading it, seeing if there is anything that can be improved, then drifting to another paragraph and so on.

The point is to spend the day doing it. Just as I realized that the point of spending a whole day on 2000 words of a first draft wasn't to get it all down as fast as possible, but to give myself all that time to think and wait and write when it happens, and then think about it some more.

Time is the crucial factor. Dedicate the whole day to the rewrite.

I do a lot of daydreaming, and much of the daydreaming has nothing to do with the story at hand, but everyone once in a while an idea pops up. The main thing is to prime the pump, to tell my subconscious, "OK, what would improve this?"

Sometimes I get an improvement that is so small and seemingly inconsequential that spending an hour drifting, almost asleep, seems like a high price. But if I get enough of these small improvements, maybe they add up to enough.

I go back and forth about whether I like the book, which is a function of rewriting. If I don't rewrite, I always like my book, because I enjoy writing the first draft so much.

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 10.

I'm having to rewrite more than I thought, but I do think it's better. There is more at stake, which hopefully will draw the reader in.

I'm probably going to need yet another pass thru to get the tone consistent. Which means I need to speed up the rewriting this draft a little, which I'm inclined to do anyway. 10 pages was good when I was doing extensive rewriting at the beginning, but now that I'm just having to adjust things, I probably need to do more to keep my momentum. I've decided that 20 to 25 pages a day is not out of bounds.

I can't tell if the tonal differences are jarring.

There's a very basic problem. In the original draft, I have the death of a character about a third of the way through. It's not a major character, though. Then I have the death of a major character shortly thereafter, but I give it plenty of forewarning and there is plenty of space for grieving.

In the current draft I have the death of the protagonists mother happening just before the books starts, then he finds out his father is missing, and only then does it follow the original two deaths, and this time without the space for grieving. Meanwhile, I still have the same light tone.

So I go back and try to give it proper space, and it seems to warp the rest of the book even more.

Maybe the two versions just aren't compatible, but I had to try to make the book more consequential than it was. I mean, it was a bit of lark and now I suddenly want to make it stronger. 

What's clear upon rereading this is that I was having fun writing it. While that fun can come through, it doesn't necessarily engage the reader, which is why I'm making the changes. I just have to hope they mesh.

I've done 25 pages today. Had to completely change half of one chapter, and then very little for two and half chapters. I hope the two and half chapters are more representative going forward.

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 9.

Made some progress today. A short scene with the coyote.

The real problem is--why would they do what the coyote says?  I've somehow got to make something more out of that, some reason that propels them on.

Other than that, most of the changes have just been dealing with the tone of the book. The emphasis of the relationships has to shift slightly, the attitudes. It's a pretty tricky thing to do. I've gone through about a third of the book in 10 days, right on schedule.

The tone of this book was very light. Which if fine, but not enough was at stake. But now that I've made the stakes higher, it's difficult to change the tone. I'm not really trying that hard. Setting the stakes, and then letting the lighter tone tell the story. I just have to hope it isn't too jarring.

The original tone was light and was meant to be light. No way to turn it "serious." It was inspired by Ready Player One, after all. So basically, it's going to be 50 pages of dark surrounded by 260 pages of light. 

As I told Linda when she tries to make sense of it; "I"m feeling my way."

It's not really Science-fiction, it's Metaphysical-Science fiction. (Not something most SF readers are fans of, I'm sure.)

I'm not sure it's better--but the point is, I tried to make it better. I took the time and the effort. I'm at a point where I want to be sure that I gave it my best effort.

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 8

Two days of not writing. Maybe three days?

Minor turmoil overall in life, the kind that wouldn't have stopped me a few years ago but now throws me off my stride. A bit more finicky.

It appears that Sabrina wants Mondays back and I'm going to give it to her. I enjoyed working, but she needs the hours. Anyway, I can still come in and hang around; I just need to make sure I do that on a regular basis.

This is sort of a crux point in my book and I want to get it right. I believe--I hope--that after the next couple of chapters it's just a matter of adapting the rest of the book to the changes.

I'm going to push it a little harder than 10 pages a day because while that number lets me ruminate a lot, I tend to end up just ruminating and not writing. I probably need to be a bit more intensive over the next 3 weeks or so.



Wrote the new chapter. It didn't turn out the way I expected, but it did the job.

I can't tell if I'm completely screwing up this story by doing these changes or making it better. More complicated, that's for sure. I guess I'll have to see how it reads when I'm finished. 

Page 63 = talking coyote. Either I'm jumping the shark or making it interesting. 

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 7.

I've never done a book this way before.

I wrote a first draft that I thought was relatively solid, but decided that I needed to change some major things at the beginning. They were things that would affect the rest of the book but not so much that the basic plot couldn't be kept.

I decided to do the rewrite in a methodical way, 10 pages a day, no more, no less.

What I didn't foresee was giving myself that much time would also give me time to come up with new ideas. Most of these ideas are additions and embellishments. This is good in that I write sparsely and I have always felt that my stories could do with a few more complications.

I'm not trying to explain most of these complications logically but feeling my way. This story is SF in structure, but fantasy in explanation. Science fantasy, if you will. I originally thought that by thinking about it and researching it, I could put in a SF underpinning, but when it came time, I'm relying on my imagination even more than before.

Nevertheless, it has to be internally consistent, so that's what I'm striving for.

I'm not trying in my mind to nail down the structure but to do it intuitively. As in yesterday's thought that I needed something dramatic and major to happen, something that would "cleave" the book and set it off on a different course.

It so happened that I had a major character who I needed to do something with, and that killing him violently fit perfectly. (Writers are weird.) So I know I want this to happen, but I'm still sort of dimly envisioning how it happens. I know I want a break from current reality for the two major characters (Zach and Numera) which creates a stronger bond with each other because they're the only two to see it, and finally, I'd like to add a new companion along the way.

I don't know who that companion is--nor can the companion explain too much. But that can all be fixed by simple explanations. ("I am not allowed to interfere with your reality.) I'm trying to decide if it's a sprite that everyone else can see or everyone else sees it as something normal, when Zach and Numera see it as--I don't know, a fox, a dwarf, a robot--something extraordinary.

It's funny. I was thinking about some kind of little bird, flitting about their head and when one of the other characters asks, "How do you know that?" They answer, "A little bird told us." Nah.

So that's the feeling out part. I know basically the beats I want to insert, and vaguely what they entail, but not of the details. Giving myself all day, or even longer, to coax out those details is what I'm allowing myself this time around. At this rate, it will be months before this book is finished and that's all right.

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite, Day 6.

My friend Wes visited yesterday and in the end I didn't really get any writing done.

But I did get some thinking done. The most important thing that hit me was that something big, something that cleaved the story like an axe, needed to happen next. Something big that carried forward.

I didn't know what it would be.

I also had a character who died in the middle of the book in the original chapter. I had him being sick and everyone getting all sad, but now I have a different character who motivates the story by disappearing, and since they are similar characters, I figured two of them was too much to quietly leave that story. At least that way.

But if something explosive happens, then it kind of motivates the story better. Slept on it and realized that's what I needed to do--take the character who dies a little later and have something drastic happen, and then have one of the visions of some kind tell the survivors that they needed to carry forward with the plan, that the answers would come that way.

This morning I woke up with the idea that something really big happens--like a robot protecting Que, following him around, and no one seems to thinks that's strange though in the world Que knew there weren't robots who could follow him around.

It's that kind of story. Heh.

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 5

I think the major structural changes are done. Now I just have to adapt the rest of the book to what I've changed. That will show up mostly in the interpersonal dialogue between the characters, but hopefully it won't be too hard.

Basically, the first 46 pages, or seven chapters, have been changed substantially. If I then jump to page 57 of the original draft, the story should continue unhindered. (So by reorganizing, I cut 10 pages even though I added a substantial amount of story.)

There was a lot of "wish fulfillment" in the first draft--the main protagonist won the lottery and is legendary as "Que"--to him being young man coming into his own. A completely different history if similar personality. That will be interesting.

When I changed Numera's response to him from friendly to unfriendly and skeptical, it turned out to be easy, so I'm hoping the same will hold true through the rest of the book. 

I had a chapter where Zach talks about the five people they have to approach, how he met each one. That has been removed and each of these vignettes will now be placed at the beginnings of the chapters where they meet in the present.

The only other major change is that I've introduced these "visions" and "delusions" and "dreams" that Zach keeps having, and I need to plop those in on a regular basis to keep that theme going until the explanation comes along toward the end of the book.



I decided I need to create some tension and jeopardy from the beginning, and so I added a little scene toward the start of the second chapter. 



To me, this process is proof--if I needed it--that I probably should do this to every book. And so far, I pretty much have, despite the temptation not to.

From the beginning, even back in the Star Axe days, it was my inclination to say, "good enough" and stop.

What I've been trying to do is thread that line between "good enough" and rewriting so much I turn the book into a word jumble where I don't feel a thing. Everyone who's done any kind of art project knows there's that moment where you need to leave it alone, where if you go farther you'll ruin it.

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 4.

Woke up with the random line in my mind: "He was a big, virtuous limestone slab of a man." What does that even mean?

I've come to some conclusions.

1.) "Fateplay" is improved, without a doubt. In fact, I'm a little embarrassed that I thought it was ready. But you don't really know what it's lacking until you go through the process.

2.) the ten pages a day is a good number. That and going back to it several times after breaks and I seem to come up with these little improvements that add up.

3.) I'm not sure the changes will make any difference. Rejection will actually be harder, not easier. Then again, I'll know in my heart that I made the effort and that I think it's better. Whether it's good or not--that really isn't for me to decide.



Overhearing Linda listening to a "literary" novel and it sounds terrible. Boring and pompous. Of course, they'd think my little books silly, but damn they do go on about nothing.


Got started late, around 1:30.

Struggled with this one. It was more or less a procedural chapter, where all the bits of business and information are done so that the story can continue. Preferably, that could also be done in action chapters. Hopefully, it is intriguing enough.

Up to 47 pages. From here on, I can more or less follow the structure of the first draft, though it will have to be fixed as I go along to match the new premises. As I said above, I'm losing lots of interpersonal interactions based on the original history of the characters, which has now been changed.

But the story is streamlined, fits more the ending, and not quite as silly.  

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 3.

I went to bed with doubts, woke up with hope.

The story feels right to me. It's much more measured, not as much of an information dump, and I believe more sympathetic and believable. More complexity and texture.

I believe I have at least two original chapters to write, and the rest can be adapted. So of course, those two chapters are intimidating.

One of them I'm writing today, so I'm hesitating because I don't want to get it wrong.

I can see now the first version of this story had some major problems. I'm not having to completely rewrite the first 20% like I did with "Shadows Over Summer House." Though I'd have been willing if needed. This kind of scheduled rewrite is probably a step I should take with every novel, even if it adds a month or two to the process.

I've been looking for a trick to motivate myself to rewrite for years now. I think the whole idea was overwhelming. Where do I start? When do I stop? After all, there is no end to possible improvements. There is also no end of ways I can screw it up. Every artistic effort can be ruined by too much tinkering.

So I have to keep a sort of measured approach. Make sure I give it full thought, but try not to go crazy.

The 10 page a day goal is perfect for that, I think. In fact, I'm wondering if I shouldn't go ahead and subject all my finished but unpublished novels to that process. Just go through them one by one. Not sure I have the discipline or patience, but I don't doubt the books could benefit.

Which really is the answer. Take that little be of extra time to make them better.

Going to try to get started writing around Noon again. That seems to be the best time for me.


3:30:

OK. I've got another 10 pages done, preliminarily. I'll have to come back in a couple of hours and go over it again, and then again after dinner.

I'm having to cut more than I thought I would. Luckily, the book is long enough to sustain that. If it ends up making it leaner, there's nothing wrong with that.

The biggest problem is that I've changed the main character--he's basically the same person, but with a different past. In one he's the lucky winner of a lottery, the founder of Pegasus Corp and Hyper-reality, but someone who lives modestly and is unknown. In the other, he's the son of the above character, someone who lives modestly because he doesn't know who he is. It turns out that is more a difference than I expected.

I losing some nice interpersonal interplay between the characters. All in service to the plot. Here's what I notice about reviews--people notice story above all. Of course, it's probably not a dichotomy; plot versus everything else; it's all connected, but when there is a choice to be made, I'm conscious of the story first.

Came back to it and added a fantasy scene at the end that helps explain the attraction between the leads. (Which I'd led up to more slowly the first draft.)


10:30:

One last rewrite session. Decided that I needed to make the main couple a little less friendly to each other at first. I want Numera to be a little standoffish and skeptical.

Was actually an easy fix and reads much better.

I also decided that I might as well make Zach completely broke at first. Another easy fix. Makes him more of an underdog.

Daily "Fateplay" rewrite journal, Day 2.

Drank way too much wine last night and I'm a mess today. I don't drink hardly at all anymore and I totally miscalculated. I'm going to still try to get my 10 pages done.

I don't know if being drunk gave me any insights into the story. I made minimal changes. It did slow down my thinking, ironically, so that I could see it somewhat freshly.

Getting a slightly later start today. 12:30.

I think what I wrote yesterday was an improvement. In many ways, it's delving into the mechanics of the story and that always pulls me away from original vision. I just have to remember that the original vision is still there and that line editing doesn't detract. Nor does adding the elements that need to be there or taking out the elements that don't need to be there.

From what I've heard, some writers really love this part of the process. But I love the glow of discovery, of the raw story, and going back and reworking it dims that glow, the romance. It's like having a sports car and lifting up the hood and seeing all the gears and oil. 

This is turning more SF than it was originally, more strange, and I think that's a good thing; it covers me from not being accurate about Larping or cosplay. Instead, I'll be judged by my overall vision and descriptions. I do worry that the technology won't be completely accurate, but...dammit, the story demands certain things and the tech is always flexible. After all, it is the future. So I really need to be as vivid and colorful with that as I can be.

Here goes:

Finished the 10 pages. Mostly because I cut a hell of a lot. But I also wrote a bunch. This is turning into a very different story, in some ways. It is tighter, but has lost a bit of charm, I think. The charm was goofy, though. This is more mature.

Rewriting was definitely the right decision. I've really firmed up the plot and the flow. I'm losing some nice interpersonal connections, but I still think it makes more sense for the protagonist to come in from the outside, to be an innocent, to be an underdog.

The strange visitations I've added are good because they add to the mystery as well as prepare the reader for the big turn at the end.

I also think the 10 pages are the right number to attack each day. I may not feel that way while I'm doing them, but so far both days I've woken up the next morning with the certainty that the story was improved. I just need to keep on hacking at it, one chunk at a time.

I'd say about 20% so far is new, about 15% has been cut, and the rest is only slightly modified. Most of the big changes are happening in the first 50 pages or so. After that, it's more a matter of adapting to the new changes the rest of the way.




Didn't sleep again last night. Bad dreams, that when I woke up I was certain was brought about by the "poison" of alcohol. I think if I'm ever going to drink at all it has to be social and moderate, not alone and extreme. Heh.

Still, despite being groggy all day, I did make some substantial improvements, so I'm hoping for today.

Daily "Fateplay" re-write journal. Day 1.

I'm going to work on 10 pages a day. No more, no less. I'm going to spend the whole day doing it. It should take about 30 days.

I woke up this morning with an addition to the first chapter that I think will work, though it definitely complicates things. But I like that. Complications are interesting.

I knew that I wanted to add a little family history to the first chapter. That I wanted Zach to get an anonymous ticket to the Portland Pegasus Convention. Most of all, I knew that I wanted there to be both a mysterious warning and a mysterious attack.

So the solution I came up with this morning will do all those things. But it will add a new element that will have to be addressed through the rest of the book.

10 pages at a time.


Complication #1.

The whole second chapter will have to come later. So I'm just setting that aside and working on the next five pages.

OK. Rewrote the entire first chapter. Took a couple of hours. It came out well, I think. I cut some of the info dump and added some more action. There is about two pages of new writing, and I cut about half a page, so the five pages turned into seven pages. Going to take a breather and then tackle the next five pages.

Six hours later:

The second chapter is now going to be the third chapter. I took parts of it to do the second chapter and added a bunch. I've hit 13 pages on the new version, which is think is roughly comparable to 10 pages on the original version.

Most of the real revisions are going to take place in the first fifty pages of the book, so that's where the real work comes in.

This was every bit as hard as I thought it would be, but I do think it's better.

Two hours later:

Realized that I needed some action at the beginning of the second chapter and also a better motivation, so added a scene. Now up to 15 pages, which I think means I reached beyond my 10 page goal of the original manuscript.

Ready for tomorrow.

As you know, I don't like rewriting.

I've decided that for "Fateplay" I'm going to knuckle down and really do it.

10 pages a day. No more, no less. Read it, think about it, maybe go off and write the same scene again without referring to what I've already written, come back and consolidate the two versions, write some poetry, see if any of it fits. Look for more: more emotion, more character, more action, more plot, more connections, more depth and texture, more theme and symbolism, more everything...

Cut and sharpen, pare down and exfoliate.

Research and extrapolate, consider the ramifications, make sure I haven't missed any opportunities.

Set it aside, take a nap, come back and do it again. Go for a walk, mull over what I've done, come back and do it again. Drink a couple of beers and read it again.

Ten pages. A measly ten pages. Just do it, dammit!!!!

 Go to bed.

Wake up and do the next ten pages, no more no less.

Read it, think about it....

Feathering the lily, gilding the nest.

Once you have a well-stocked store, everything gets easier. You can start cherry picking or picking up bargains. Little additions here and there, plus the constant reordering of what sells well and an ear for what is new.

By ignoring the bestseller lists, I'm not impelled to spend money on titles I don't know anything about (other than the fact they are on bestseller lists and will be carried by almost everyone else, probably in larger quantities and cheaper.) By concentrating on known and established titles, I can constantly upgrade.

Whenever I go into another bookstore there are always a few covers or titles that leap out at me. So I write them down and go back and order them for the store.

It's a constant upgrading. Sometimes what I think is cool will sell, and sometimes it won't, but I know at least that the new books are good, that they had something that grabbed me.

In a sense, being a bookstore is discovering what books sell and what don't. I mean, that sounds obvious and simple, but it's a constant learning process.  Basically, if I can assemble enough titles that will sell on a regular basis, then I've got a going concern.

I mentioned that I ordered a lot of cult books--that is, books that have a small but fervent following. I've learned in the past that these types of books sell well. Sometimes it's obvious, like carrying the Vonnegut or Palahniuk books. But sometimes they are a little off the beaten track.

So one of the books I ordered was a Celine book. I had a woman come up to the counter excited that I had the book and was getting ready to buy it when her husband came up and said, "I have that."

"Damn," I said. "You were just about the justify my taking a chance on that book." (I say this in a joking manner, of course.) "Hey, have you seen all the Bukowski books I have?" (Pure guess.)

"As it happens, I learned about Celine because Bukowki talks about her."

Ultimately, they left without buying anything, which is frustrating. They like offbeat books as long as they are offbeat books they already like.

Sometimes these books serve as advertisements. The very fact that I have them gives me credibility, even if they don't sell.

I'm refining the process all the time. For instance, I've learned that cook, funky covers are always a good choice. Often, a more elaborate and expensive cover sells even better than a mass market paperback. After all, if they want to have Dune in their library, a cool leather bound cover will be very attractive. I've sold the deluxe green Hobbit book many times over the years. In other words, it's not the cheapest option I should be going after, but the coolest option. That's the nature of my store.

With SF and fantasy readers, mass market paperbacks do well. With mysteries readers, mmp's also do well, but they tend to want used copies more often. With literature, the nicer the book, the better. With new fiction, trade-paperbacks (larger paperbacks) fit the bill.

The true irony of what's been happening is that for several years now I've been frustrated by the young families that come in. Kids can be rough on the product sometimes (I only can afford to have the one copy) and they can be rather picky--not a lot of exploring, they want what they already want. Plus, there are thousands of young adult series, and hundreds of them that have a following. Even with a much, much bigger store there is no way to carry them all.

Nevertheless, in conjunction with the fact that I can often get the younger books cheaper, and that young adult graphic novels are a "thing" I've been slowly but steadily moving in the young family direction.

And suddenly, they have become a major part of my business. Partly because I gave up several years ago trying to control the situation, and partly because I've apparently finally got enough of those "good" series to make a difference. That is, I will more often make a sale to a vacationing family than not.

Once again, I've reached the limit on my space. I still have plenty of room in literature and SF, not so much in mysteries and young adult and young readers. So I'll have to get creative again, because the response has been strong.

All of this is also a lot of fun. I love figuring it out.

Doors close, doors open.

My marketing so far has been basically opportunism. A door opens a little bit, and I try to pry it open wider. If the opportunities don't present, then I'm more or less stumped.

I thought I was done with "Fateplay" but an opportunity has come up and I don't want to blow it. This book needs to be as good as it can be. So I'm going to make the changes I envisioned which will hopefully make the book a little better.

Major rewrites are always a risk for me. It's not a sure thing. These changes will be a lot of work but my hope is that it will make the book better.

To be completely honest, I think the book is pretty good as is. But if this opportunity pans out, I'll need it to be better than "pretty good." I'll need it to be fully thought out and fleshed out and sharp.

So I'm committing to the process.

Apparently, all I needed was the motivation.

For a couple of years, I had a great opportunity with a major publisher, who did in fact buy a book from me to be published under a much more famous name--a guy who recently had two bestsellers in the top ten! (Not Patterson, heh.) So my writing is apparently good enough to become a probable bestseller--but not under my own name.

This was the publisher who sought me out after reading Led to the Slaughter to tell me that it was a "brilliant premise and beautifully written."

Mostly ever since, he's ignored me, except to take the one ghostwritten book. He's pretty not responded to anything else I've sent, so I think that opportunity has disappeared. (The ghostwritten books is not on the publisher's schedule, so I have no idea what's happening. I guess as this point I'm just letting it be...or not to be.) I'm trying not to be put out about it: the editor has his own work and is probably overwhelmed.

Anyway, after a month off, I'm ready to plunge back into the book. If any larpers or cosplayers out there would like to beta read my first draft and give me advice about that world, please let me know. It's not a natural fit for me, so I need to get that terminology and stuff down.

So here we go again.

Downtown Bend is booming. The world has turned nerd.

Downtown Bend is booming. I wish I could go back thirty years, pull myself aside and say, "Duncan. Hang in there. Someday your store will be a happening place."

It sure showed no signs of that back in 1984. My neighbor and I used to sit out on the sidewalk and play cribbage for hours. If a customer came along, we'd get up and do our business, then come back out and continue our game. We were rarely interrupted.

You could have shot a cannon down the middle of the street and not hit anyone.

It's not all great. There are still slow times, but, man---when it is busy, it is really busy, especially if the events don't get in the way. (Last weekend was 20% better than the Bend Fest weekend.)

A few years ago some real estate guy was quoted in the Bulletin as saying that this growth was "inevitable," what with the river and the great old buildings. Well, the river was always there and the buildings frankly aren't all that great. It wasn't inevitable. It was a long slow build, and I believe it could have tilted in a different direction.

Admittedly, we had some high powered developers around here who made it happen. But still...this is the kind of thing that takes time. I see downtown Redmond slowly moving in that direction too.

We've been fortunate to be able to stay in the same place for 37 years. The rents have gone up considerably, as you might imagine, but I always calculated that the potential increase in foot traffic would pay for it. It was a gamble, but it worked out.

As in other parts of my life, I haven't changed all that much. I was always a big nerd, the store has been there forever, I've lived in Bend my whole life. Instead, the world has shifted in my direction.

It's kind of startling, really.

Who knew the whole world would turn nerd?

Once upon a time, I decided to write a book.

So, about seven years ago I decided to write a book.

I just wanted to see if I could do it again. My basic idea was a war between Cthulhu and Fairy. I wrote the first hundred pages or so and stalled. I frittered around for a few months, then went on a "writing vacation" to Baker City, holing up in the Geiser Grand.

I came up with a solution and forced myself to finish the book. It was the wrong solution. It didn't really work. But I finished the book, and that was my goal.

I handed it to my friend Martha and she tried to be encouraging but it was obvious she didn't think much of it. "All the characters sound like you." Ouch.

I set the book aside and tried again. This time a fantasy. Again, I struggled with it, and the end result was relatively bland, though I did start to get some of my old rhythm back toward the end of the book.

By now, about eight months had passed and I didn't really feel like I'd accomplished much.

I thought back to my inspirations, and there was no bigger inspiration than The Hobbit. So I updated The Hobbit into a cyberpunk story. Not a copy. If you didn't know what I was doing, you might not guess. But I used it as a template.

But most of all, I did Freedy Fikins for my own amusement and I wrote it fast and by the end of the book, it clicked.

"Oh, THAT'S how you do it!!!!"

I woke up one morning with a vampire story.

"NO, don't write a vampire story. Everyone is writing a vampire story--worse, everyone has already written a vampire story."

But I'd decided after Freedy Filkins that I would write whatever inspired me at the moment. So I wrote the book and damn if it didn't come out relatively well. I immediately dove into a sequel and it turned out even better.

By now, Sabrina was manager of my store, Pegasus Books, and I was free to write. 

I'd had the idea for a supernatural Donner Party story for a long time. I was completely surprised that no one had done it yet. So I sat down and wrote the Led to the Slaughter and at the end I felt it was a mature book, that I'd hit my stride.

I wrote a short scene about a super-intelligent pig that was out to kill people and before I knew it, Tuskers had popped out and...it was fun.

After that, I sort of fell into a black hole of writing for a year. I mean, I just didn't pop my head out for months at a time, but wrote and wrote and wrote. Whatever story grabbed me at the time, I didn't think about it, I just wrote it.

I suspected that it was a weird confluence of creative energy and free time and I'd better not squander the opportunity.

That runaway train continued for the next three or four years. Writing every day, honing my craft to the best of my abilities. I started hitting hills, but the momentum was so strong that the train just kept chuggy.

I ended up writing a a bunch of books, about half of which are viable, mature books that I think offer something to the world. I let nothing stand in the way. I was disciplined and the creative flow just kept flowing.

Well, the train has finally slowed down a little.

I have little doubt that I could continue writing, but it would be more like work than play. I've decided to slow down. To consolidate and think about what I've done. I knew from the beginning that the creative energy was something special and wouldn't continue forever.

I'm pretty amazed looking back.

I just wanted to write a book.

"I never shop downtown. It's too busy."

It's funny how often I get the comment, "I never shop downtown. It's too busy."

As a store owner, I just sort of tilt my head and say, "Ever heard of Yogi Berra?"

I am getting about $6000 worth of books on Monday. I think I have room for them. They are all choice books, selected, curated. The best of the best.

Basically, I've finally sprung for the wishlist.

That's on top of spending a month buying books every week, so probably another $6000 worth of new books. The reorganization has opened up the space to do what I've been itching to do. Meanwhile, our displays of graphic novels are great to look at and I do believe have had an impact.

This is one of those periodic re-inventions of the store that invigorate me and keep the store moving forward. It's one of the ways to avoid burnout--constantly moving in the direction of one's interests, whether profitable or not (within reason, of course.)

For some reason, I've been tilted toward the store again. Part of it is going back to work on Mondays, another is this re-organization. I've enjoyed the interactions, been somewhat surprised by just how many people I've been friendly with. I can forget how many friends I've made there.

I think the next few years should be fun and I think customers pick up on the feeling. I'm thankful that I've made it this far and still feel enthused about owning a business.


Meanwhile--my writing.

I had a good solid six years writing. I've written better books than I thought was possible. But I think it's time to slow down and take stock. If nothing else, finish the books I've already written. I'm going to try not to plunge into a new book.

Unless of course a premise and story comes along that is so strong I can't resist...😛

A more ambitious book.

So I've proven to myself that I can write a book...or two...or twenty.

In my previous little career, I got bogged down by bad habits and expectations, so I was determined for that not to happen this time. I decided I would write the ideas that came to me, finish the books, and enjoy the process.

That wasn't a bad decision. I've learned by doing, I've liked everything I've written.

As I've mentioned, I discover the story by writing.

Every time in the past where I've tried to find the "killer premise" and then research it or try to outline it--the book doesn't get written. Thinking about it too much only brings up the doubts, and then I start questioning whether it is really a killer premise, and, well, the book never gets written.

I spent months researching a Middle Eastern story back in the 80's and I still think it could have been cool, but ultimately decided it was over my head. This has probably happened more often that I've actually written books. Not because they weren't good ideas but that ultimately, I talked myself out of them.

The only problem with discovering a story by writing is that I often discover more than halfway through that I've missed some good bets, or I've left out things I could have done that would have made the book better, or I've written myself in a corner, or...I just haven't completely and fully explored the ramifications of the story. Usually, I go back and try to fix those things, and usually I can do it. When I can't "fix" it often turns out that what I've done is just fine--it's just me trying to be a perfectionist.

I've been wanting to write a classic Fantasy trilogy from the beginning. What's stopped me that is that I intend to do a lot of world building first, and that is hard for me to do without stumbling upon the world by writing, and that's what I'm trying to avoid.

One way around this block has been to write a series of novellas based in the same world: Tales of the Thirteen Principalities. Each time I've written one of these novellas (4 and 1/2 and counting) I've come up with more of the background. As long as I don't publish these stories, I have a chance to go back and take all the discovered elements and made them consistent. When I have enough of a background, I can do my "trilogy."

The second way to discover a story though is to actually write it and then put it aside and write it a second time with all I've discovered. I actually did this with the first 1/3rd of Shadows over Summer House. But it seems somewhat crazy and wasteful to do that every time.

My latest book, Fateplay, deals with Larping and Cosplay and VR and holograms and A.I's and robots and so on. I set out to write a Ready Player One book in tone. Don't know if I accomplished that, but I enjoyed writing it. But about halfway through I realized that the ideas in the story were so large that a much more ambitious book could be had, one that could really explore the ramifications of the premise.

I decided not to go back and change this adventure story and load it with "ideas." It's a good book as it is. But in a way, I discovered a larger story that could be written about the subject.

So I've sort of decided to do that. Spend a few months mulling over the ramifications of the premise and see if I can't construct a storyline in advance, hopefully with a beginning, middle and end. This will be my Box book, where I think about the premise and job down ideas and drop them in a box.

The question is--will the book ever get written? Can I stay intrigued by the story long enough to think it through without actually writing? Will I talk myself out of it?

As I said, I've proven I can write a book. I'd like to try to be a bit more ambitious next time, but without losing the fun of it.

Meanwhile, I've got a bunch of books to rewrite, so this is probably the perfect time to plan a book.

Musing about bookstores.

It's interesting how people conflate the opening of stores with the success of stores. One does not mean the other. Stores are always opening in downtown Bend--but think about that statement, "Stores are always opening in downtown Bend." We have a finite number of spaces that are usually full. So where are these new stores opening?

Apparently, when Amazon came along around 1995 there were roughly 3300 indie bookstores. The number dropped by 43% after that. When Kindle came along, everyone predicted the imminent demise of all brick and mortar stores.

But indie stores have increased by 34% in the last decade or so (probably more since the stats end in 2015.)

I'll just say this. That's too soon to predict success. Yes, stores have opened, but does it mean they are making money?

Just as an aside--I've heard figures of something like 7500 indie bookstores before Barnes and Noble and Borders came along, so that would represent an even bigger drop. As I mentioned yesterday, the big chain bookstores are more of a menace to indies than Amazon is. The fact that indies are making a resurgence while Amazon grows ever stronger and Borders crashes and B & N struggles--I don't think that is a coincidence.

What worries me about all these new indie bookstores is that most of them are following the ABA model. That gives them a certain consistency, sure. Which to me is boring. I can walk into an ABA model bookstore and almost predict what I'm going to see.

It seems to me they are weighted heavily toward women, heavily toward literary, and heavily toward new titles.

There is nothing wrong with that on its own, but I think most of them are missing a bet on backstock, on classics and cult books, and especially--and this drives me nuts, they underutilized the genre market.  Usually a couple of shelves of SF and fantasy, a bit more on mysteries, almost nothing in romance and westerns and horror.

I sell genre more than literary, I sell established books more than new books. Since my clientele for books are mostly drop-ins, often tourists, I think this is telling. That means if you take a random sample of the reading public, they will gravitate toward these titles. I usually have several of the new bestsellers on the display rack--more to say, "We're a real bookstore" than anything else--and while those books sell, they don't sell at any greater frequency than backstock.

Personally, when I look at the "best-seller" lists I see a lot of junk--junk that is available at Walmart and Costco for half price, or on Amazon, or any number of places.

The indie stores pride themselves on "curating" their selection, but if they are all pulling their titles off the ABA lists, how is that curation?

The second thing you see recommended for indie stores is lots of events and signings and especially--it seems to be almost a requirement now--a coffee shop.

I've expressed my doubts about these goals before. These things seem costly and time-consuming and space and energy consuming--for what? For books that may or may not sell. Believe me--burnout is a huge danger. Spending all your money on employees in order to gain more business can be a never-ending rat race.

The same time and energy can be used toward figuring out what books WILL sell. Spending your time talking to customers or cleaning your store or--well, just about anything to make your existing space better. The money can be used on backstock.

But even if you do these extra things, bookstores need to make sure they've done the basics of carrying a decent stock of books first.

That's what I've noticed is the lack of inventory in a lot of indie stores. (I have an excuse--I have limited space and the books aren't my primary object, but nevertheless I pack my store as deep as I can get it.)

So these are contrary views, and they be construed as negative, but I think people need to listen to th downsides as well as the upsides.

Leftover Nazi

LEFTOVER NAZI

Duncan McGeary

The key still fit. Fingers shaking, I unlocked the door and slipped inside. I leaned against the door, not believing I'd done what I'd just done.

Where would she keep it? She wouldn't bother hiding it, for she'd dismissed me from her life and her thoughts. But I'd never been able figure out what Jenny would do in even the simplest of things. The puzzle of her was the attraction.

The package was important to her, but she could just as easily have tossed it in a corner and forgotten it. Jenny's soprano laugh knifed through the closed door. I ran for the bedroom, unthinking, spurred by the unreasoning memory of safety.

Their voices murmured from the kitchen. There was a familiar tone in Jenny's voice, soft and seductive. 
"Oh, God no," I thought. But the voices came closer. 

I slid under the bed.

And then, to my horror, my ex and her boyfriend fell onto the bed and started to tussle, tickling and squealing, and then...inevitably...the squeals became sighs and the action became rhythmic, and each downward motion of the bed frame tapped me lightly on the forehead, as if to say, "fool....fool....fool…”

In my mind, I heard a scream. If any of it leaked from me, though, it was smothered by the frantic grunts and moans overhead. 

Bumping beneath the humiliation was the realization I was in danger. 

I wasn't worried about the poor schmuck. And who was I--the epitome of cuckold--to be calling a schmuck? But my ex-girlfriend would kill him if she found me. With her bare hands, if need be. Or any handy nearby sharp or heavy object. Or...she might have one of her guns nearby even as she was fucking.

The torture didn't end when the pounding stopped. I stilled my breath as the two lovers exchanged sweet fucking nothings, the same sweet fucking nothings I used to hear. 

Beside the bed, where the schmuck could see it, would be a picture of her grandfather. A hollow stare, lank hair flopping over his forehead.

"He looks like a leftover Nazi," I'd told her.

She frozen next to me then let out a strange little laugh. "You have a weird way of seeing things.”

It wasn't until I was halfway home from the first time that I remembered her name was spelled the German way: Schneider. Had she meant that what I saw was weird, or that I had a weird way of seeing things?

***

"Schmuck," she'd said, after I moved in. "That's a Jew word, right?"

"Jew word?" I said, and laughed.

"Yiddish, right?"

"Yeah, my dad used it all the time. Oh, my God, I'm turning into Dad.

“He spoke Yiddish?" 

"Of course not. No more than me or my white Protestant roommates. Gary knows more Yiddish than I do."

"Sounds more real coming from you, though."

"OK."

***

"Talk Yiddish to me," Jenny said. At first I thought it an auditory hallucination, brought on by fear and memory.  

The schmuck answered. "Ikh hab dir lib...don't ask me more, because I'm tapped out.”

"Martin, you need to fuck me again. Right now."

"I don't think my schlong is going to respond."

"We'll see about that." 

In the dark, beneath the bed, I could still see her perfect body rising over him, her head lowering.  
 Oh, hell. Might as well let her kill me now. It was only luck I got away the first time.
 Three weeks before, I'd woken to something dripping down my neck. Strange I should have felt the trickle of blood instead of the pain of the cut. Jenny held a knife to my neck. "Try anything and I'll cut your throat."

"Try anything?" I echoed. 

"You know what I mean. I've got a gun too."

I got up without looking at her and got dressed, went to the closet to grab my bag. The moment I lifted it I knew it was light. I unzipped it and looked in. "Where did you put it?" 

"I'm keeping it just in case you've got any ideas about coming back. You even call me and I'll show everyone."

"You're a crazy bitch and I'm not coming near you. Just give it back to me."

"Fuck, no. I'm going to burn it. It shouldn't exist. You shouldn't exist. Get out and stay out."

I turned at the door for one last look. She was still naked, long and lean but with nice breasts. The Jewish Princess I'd always wanted. 

"You liked it, Jenny. You were turned on by it."

"You're a sick fuck. Get out."

***

The schmuck and Jenny were lost in their lovemaking. I slipped out from under the bed. I reached up to the dresser drawer and pulled it open silently. Jenny would be on top, grinding for an orgasm, her eyes closed.

My fingers felt the butcher knife, traced down to the handle, pulled it out. It's tip caught the top of the drawer with a ping.

Sudden silence and then Jenny's scream as I rose up. I'd taken off my clothes while under the bed. I had a raging hard on. I slid the point of the knife into the open mouth of the schmuck. Jenny moved faster than than I'd have thought possible, running for the closet. She turned, pointed her pistol. Nothing happened. 

I stood in front of her grinning. I pulled the gun from her hand, checked to see the safety was on. She stared at me with her big dark eyes as I slammed the pistol down on top of her head. She slumped into my arms. I put her on the bed.

It took me an hour to find it. Grandfather would have never forgiven me for losing it. Even though the old man was dead for all these years, I still heard his voice. "We should've finished the job. You wait, it will all come back. Our cause is too strong. It'll return and when it does, you be ready. You tell them who I was, you show them the flag. I made it from the skin of a Jewish resistance fighter. Sewed and colored it myself.”

I pulled out the floppy parchment. It always had an odor to me of rotting flesh though I was pretty sure that was in my head. The red color was faded, all but black zigzag, which was as sharp as ever.

I turned, caught a glimpse of the picture of Jenny's grandfather. I'd planned on leaving, but Jenny's story of his escape, the pride in her voice, came back to me.

Pulling the knife from the schmuck's mouth, I turned to Jenny.

Time to make another souvenir.

I placed her grandfather’s picture so the old Jew could watch. I leaned over Jenny. Shame to waste such beautiful skin.

There was a shuffling sound behind me. Jenny’s grandfather stood at the door looking even older than the picture. He didn’t look surprised or alarmed…he looked mad. There was a darkness around his eyes that froze me in place.

He lifted his cane and shed the top half. A wicked looking blade emerged. He rushed me, and I raised the butcher knife.

The old man’s sword was longer. It caught me in the chest, ground against one of my ribs, and slipped past the bone and into my heart. I felt something against my skin as he withdrew the blade. Blood spurted out, and without thinking I placed grandfather’s flag against the wound to stanch the bleeding.

I fell, the now bright red flag falling to the floor beneath me.

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